The Door Game
by The Thinking Woman
Summary: *Updated* A little ficlet based on the episode "All Good Things". My take on a scene between Hanssen and Sahira in that episode. If you've seen it, you'll "get" the title - I couldn't think of a better one, sorry! Now a two-parter! T for language.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: This is just something I thought of during tonight's episode, so it's been very hastily thrown together, I'm afraid. It wouldn't let me go to sleep until it was finished! It's kind of an alternative to the second half of the first "office" scene between Hanssen and Sahira. I thought their scenes tonight were SO charged, with many, many different emotions and a whole heap of sexual tension, so I just had to write something! It's a oneshot unless anyone wants more. Please take the time to read and review if you can - it means a lot to me to know if it's any good :)**

**Disclaimer: The characters and settings are from "Holby City" and belong to the BBC and not to me (sadly). I have no intention of making even a penny from this story! Although the majority of this is my own work, you will probably recognise the very first part of the dialogue from the episode "All Good Things" if you've seen it.**

**The Door Game**

Quick as a flash, Sahira grabbed the door handle and pulled it shut. She wasn't going to let him avoid this conversation by hiding behind his office door.

"You led me down the garden path." Sahira stood with her arms folded, challenging him to contradict her.

"To the sweet smell of continued employment, no?" Henrik replied with a dry smile. He tried again to open the door, but once more, Sahira's hand shot to the door handle, preventing him from opening it.

"Could you at least wait 'til I'm on the other side before you do that?" Henrik asked, with the merest hint of sarcasm.

"You made it look like the only reason I'm staying is because I'm the boss's favoured child."

"You've achieved solely on your own merits."

"Well that's not what everyone thinks."

"Who cares what everyone thinks?"

The man was infuriating! How many times did they have to have this conversation?

"I have already told you I'm sick and tired of being thought of as "Hanssen's girl". You know they think we're sleeping together?"

Henrik raised an eyebrow slightly. "I'm aware of the rumours, yes."

"And that doesn't bother you?" Sahira demanded.

"I've never taken much notice of idle gossip."

"Well perhaps you should, because quite frankly, it doesn't look great on either of us!" She was becoming agitated now, and her voice was getting louder, attracting the attention of the staff down the corridor.

"Can we take this inside?" he asked, gesturing towards his office.

Sahira stood back, allowing him finally to open the door and enter the room. She followed him in, closing the door behind her, and so permitting them a little more privacy as she continued her rant.

"Everyone already thinks that I got this job because I'm shagging you, and now they think that that's why I'm keeping it! It makes it look like I persuaded everyone to back the Cardiac Trauma Unit because I knew that when you got rid of all of them, my job would be safe. They think I'm a total bitch!"

Henrik was mildly surprised by her use of coarse language: it was out-of-character for her. She must really be very frustrated. However he did not let his cool demeanour slip.

"And if you'd known that the CTU wasn't going to be the saviour of Darwin, would you still have gone ahead with it? At least now your job and Miss Naylor's are safe. That's something, isn't it?"

"No! If I'd known you were going to do this, I would have fought harder for Darwin! What about all the other people who are going to lose their jobs? What are they going to do now? Most of them will be made redundant, and they all think it's my fault!"

"Does it matter what they think? It won't change the outcome. You can't go through life and succeed in your career expecting everyone to love you all the time."

"Well you'd know all about that! Unlike you, however, I don't happen to _want_ my colleagues to hate me. I want to succeed because I'm good at my job, not because I'm your favourite pet. I hate the rumours, and the conversations behind my back. I'm sick of everyone thinking there's something "_going on_" between us. That's not the sort of person I am! I don't _want_ them to think that I would stoop so low_, _as to sleep with _you_, just to keep my job!"

Henrik was taken aback. Did she really find him that repellent? Quickly recovering his composure, he hoped she hadn't noticed the effect her words had had.

"Well it's nice to know you have such a high opinion of me."

"That wasn't what - "

"I think you've said enough, don't you? Now if you don't mind, I'm really rather busy."

"Henrik - "

"Please leave."

Cursing under her breath, Sahira stomped out of the office, closing the door heavily behind her. She stopped outside, slumping against the wall of the corridor with a cringe and a deep sigh. She hadn't meant it to come out like that: she had meant that she wouldn't sleep with _anyone_ to further her career, but it had sounded like a vicious assault on him personally. He had recovered it well, but not before she had noticed the flash of hurt in his eyes.

Truth be told, not so many years ago, she almost certainly _would _have slept with him if she'd had the chance. Not to further her career, but purely and simply because of the way she'd felt about him. It wasn't until it was too late, and she was married to another man and pregnant with her first child, that she'd realised that he had felt the same way. She had never let on that she knew - partly to spare his embarrassment - and so it remained unacknowledged between them.

In his office, Henrik shuffled the papers on his desk aimlessly. He picked up a pen to write something, and put it straight back down again. All thoughts of work had temporarily vacated his mind. He noticed he was shaking slightly.

Spinning his chair away from the desk, he threw his head back and stared at the ceiling. He hated that her words had got to him so much. He hated that he still had these _feelings_ for her after all these years. She had made it quite clear she wasn't interested in him when she'd married another man and had two babies with him, so why her words today had provoked such a reaction in him, he wasn't sure. Then it dawned on him that, until today, he had been able to allow himself the fantasy that, if things didn't work out with her husband - and he knew the relationship was far from a bed of roses - he would be there for her, and she might finally realise what she had in him. But in one sentence, Sahira had managed to crush every last ounce of hope - however far-fetched - that she might one day be his. She clearly believed that she would be lowering herself to an unacceptable level for anything to happen between them, and so he would have to live with the knowledge that he would never be good enough for her. The only thing he had left to be thankful for was that he had never admitted his feelings to her. He had been stupidly close to doing so on several occasions in the past, but his good sense had always prevailed and stopped him, and for that he was eternally grateful. _Well_, he thought, _she need never know now_. At least his dignity would remain intact…

**Ta da! Really hope that was okay, and at least made some kind of sense! If it's rubbish, tell me, and I'll go back to my cave ;)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note: By popular demand, I bring you… chapter 2! **

**Before I begin, I just want to say thank you so much to everyone who has read this so far, and especially to those who have reviewed - I will thank you all personally in a moment. I'm glad you seem to share my ideas about where the Sahira/Hanssen relationship should go, and I hope that this chapter is more of the sort of thing you would want for them. Please do let me know what you think, and whether I'm going in the right direction - suddenly I feel a lot of responsibility to "do the right thing" by them! Hope you enjoy :)**

Chapter Two

The knock at the door of Henrik's office startled him slightly. It was late, and he wasn't on call tonight. He couldn't think who could possibly need to talk to him at this time of night.

He didn't have to wait long to find out. Before he had even finished saying "_Come in_," Sahira had closed the door behind her. He looked up only briefly, just long enough for her to register the distaste in his expression, then returned to his work. She approached his desk cautiously.

"Henrik," she began, but he cut her off sharply.

"Are you sure you should be here, Ms Shah? After all, we wouldn't want any more rumours spreading, would we?"

Sahira gave an exasperated sigh. It appeared he wasn't going to make this easy for her.

"I'm sorry… for going off on one at you earlier." _And for pretty much saying I wouldn't touch you with a barge pole_, she added silently.

Henrik replaced the cap on his pen and set it down gently on his desk. Shifting his glasses, he finally looked up at her.

"I'm not stupid, you know," he said quietly. "I do hear the rumours that fly about this place. I know exactly what they say about me and you. About the… relationship we have." _I also know that the very thought of it horrifies you_, he added wordlessly.

"Then you must understand that it doesn't look great for me if people think I slept my way into this job?"

"You and I both know that's not true," he replied. "But I understand your concerns, and have no desire to cause you any further embarrassment, so I will respect your wishes and keep my distance in the future."

Sahira could see that he was struggling to hide the look of hurt and sadness on his face with one of indifference. Had it been anyone else he had been talking to, he would have succeeded, but Sahira knew him too well.

"It doesn't mean we can't be friends," she proffered, hopefully.

"That's all we ever were," he said ruefully. "But still we ended up here. If you want to stop the rumour-mill, it is necessary that we keep our relationship purely professional from now on."

"I didn't think you cared what people thought? Make your mind up, Henrik!"

"No, Sahira, YOU make your mind up!" he spat back, raising his voice now, anger flashing in his dark eyes. "I don't, generally speaking, give two hoots what anyone else thinks. But you clearly do, and I would _hate_ to think that _my_ behaviour would have a negative impact on you and your career. In fact that's completely the opposite of what I want for you. So if the opinions of others upset you so much, it's probably for the best if we just stay away from each other, unless it's unavoidable. We can't have you _lowering _yourself to my level, after all!"

_Damnit! _he thought, mentally kicking himself. That last sentence wasn't meant to be spoken aloud.

_Shit!_ thought Sahira, cringing inwardly. _That _is _what he's upset about._

"Henrik…" she sighed, hoping her more gentle tone would calm him a little. "…I know how it must have sounded this morning, and I apologise, I really do. That wasn't what I meant - it just… it just came out wrong. I have a lot of respect for you - as a colleague, and as a friend… I hope… we are friends, aren't we, Henrik?" She looked at him imploringly, begging him to understand, and to forgive her.

They regarded each other in an awkward silence for several moments. Eventually, he blinked slowly and nodded, almost begrudgingly.

"Well it's something I suppose," he finally said, with a wry smile. "I know I'm not exactly catch of the week, but it _would_ be nice to think I wasn't totally repugnant to the female of the species." He paused for a second. A glimmer of wickedness crossed his face. "Doesn't change anything though: I'm still not going to go to bed with you."

His smile had reached his eyes now, and Sahira felt the relief flood over her as she realised the argument was over. She allowed herself to smile at his joke: if his trademark dry wit had returned, then he was alright.

Part of her still felt desperately sad though, that he should think so little of himself. He was so self-deprecating sometimes that it bordered on self-loathing, and she contemplated what could possibly have happened to him to make him feel like that. She wondered if he had ever known love. She knew that there had been nobody serious for at least the last ten years: for one, she was close enough to him to have known if there was, and in any case, he was never away from work for long enough to have any sort of relationship. She very much doubted he'd managed even a casual relationship in all that time. Although she had a sneaking suspicion that she would have been quite jealous if he had, she nevertheless found his apparent lack of a love life heartrending. He deserved to have someone to care about him; someone he could turn to when he'd had a bad day; someone he could just be _himself_ with. He was the perfect gentleman: one of the last of his kind, it so often seemed. He had so much to offer, if only he could drag himself away from his work for long enough to let anyone in. She was certain that she was the closest friend he had, yet she felt like she had barely scratched the surface when it came to getting to know him. The more she thought about it, the more she realised how one-sided their friendship really was: she told him everything that was bothering her (aside from her domestic difficulties, of course - that would only give him ammunition), and he would do his best to soothe her and make things right. In contrast, he would never tell her a thing. She knew when he was unhappy, but he would never be drawn into conversation about it. All she could do for him was sit there in companionable silence, so that he at least knew he wasn't alone.

Sahira apparently wasn't the only one who was pondering the sorry state of Henrik's personal life. His smile had noticeably faded, and become sadder. His gaze left hers and drifted first to his desk, then to the window, and he appeared deep in thought. Sahira's heart broke a little at the thought that he really had believed that she found the idea of a relationship with him so abhorrent. Not that she could ever tell him of course- it was far too late now, not to mention totally inappropriate - but a few years ago, little could have been further from the truth. She wished he had even the vaguest idea how she had felt then.

Quite what came over her just then, she would never know, but what she did next surprised even Sahira.

Moving deftly around to his side of the desk, she perched on the edge, facing him. Reaching out to him, she gently cupped his face in both of her hands. Tilting his head so that she could look him straight in the eye, she held his gaze for a second. Then, closing her eyes, she kissed him tenderly on the lips.

Thoroughly dumbfounded, Henrik was, for once, utterly speechless.

"Just so you know." she said as she straightened up, smoothing down her blouse and hair.

And with that, she was gone.

For the second time that day, but for completely different reasons, Henrik found himself sitting alone at his desk, head spinning, in a state of mild shock.

**And there we have it! I'm not sure whether to leave it there or not. It seems like a good ending-point, but I do kind of want to know where they go from here. Although that would probably take several more chapters - one can't rush these things, you know! What do you think? Please R&R if you can spare the time - it means a lot to me. Constructive criticism always welcome, so if I'm not quite hitting the nail on the head, let me know, and I'll work on it some more :) xx**


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